He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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