remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
