woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
