He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
