peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
