You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize