I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
