I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
