I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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