you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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