and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
