Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
