Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
