theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
