I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
