remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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