you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
