hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
