Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
