tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He better not be in your backpack
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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