Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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