you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
