508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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