He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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