There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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