Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
