i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
