So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
