NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
