I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
