6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The ass gains better be worth it
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