Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
