He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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