don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
