why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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