nut hugger
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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