dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize