Duck Duck Cougar?
it hurts more in the daytime
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
