Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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