he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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