ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
