I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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