I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize