State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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