STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
