She announced her abortion via fbk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
