Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
