i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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