I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize