Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize