I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I currently don't understand fingers.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
