i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
