Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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