Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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