I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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