You smell like a Billy Joel song
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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