A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
