One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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