I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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