you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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