why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
