I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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