he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
