are you still at the devil's house?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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