He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
