Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
