i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
